Hitting the Panic Button

_ Dear Vienna,
Re: men, I am insane. I am so anxious to be in a relationship that I can’t even see straight. It’s like having baby fever, only I have man fever. I have GOT to chill. I just had another guy online trigger my kookoo switch. Once again, I met someone who thinks I am cool and smart and funny and then he never calls me again. I blame it on my spare tire/extra poundage. But I’m short and stacked and that’s how I roll, and for someone that’s going to be the perfect fit. I want to get married but my process needs to look a little more sane. Help!
~K

Dear Oh My God, Why Is(n’t) This Happening?
First of all, everyone has a panic button for when something hasn’t happened by a certain time. Making partner, owning a business, making X salary, having a baby, owning a home, a nicer car, the dream trip abroad, getting married – fill in the blank, you get the idea. You are not alone in your moment of panic.

However, in times of panic, you must remain calm! People sense fear and run from it – fast. So do animals. Fear and desperation is palpable and nature’s best repellant. It will not help you.

I am reminded of Theodore Roosevelt’s quote, “Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.” Try to dial down the panic. You may not like where you are in your life at this moment, but take comfort in the fact that you are taking steps to change things. And as with most things one endeavors to achieve, (a relationship, a degree, a business, a new home, etc.) you will have to put in the time, effort and energy to make it happen.

Finding someone to marry will take time, and you’ve got to pace yourself! It may take many dates and lots of precious energy to find the right man, so you need to be responsible for taking care of yourself. Be kind to yourself.

As far as the specific ins and outs of online dating, I would suggest consulting people who specialize in that. But let me address what seems to be an underlying issue: How are you qualifying your dates? If you are insecure or self-conscious about your weight, be sure to post pictures that depict you accurately. Are you clear about who you are and the type of person you want to meet? Do you know your dealbreakers? Pre-qualify your potential matches as much as possible before you meet them.

Where are you casting your line? Are you using sites that cater to people who are looking for serious relationships? Could you use other outlets or forums that would either serve up better matches or showcase your qualities more? 

And lastly, don’t let people you don’t even know determine your sense of self-worth.  If it’s not a match, it’s not a match! There will always be people you like who won’t like you, or people who like you and you don’t like them… Shrug your shoulders and move on.  You will eventually find the right person for you. Just keep the panic button out of it.

Love,
Vienna