_ Dear Vienna,
Re: men, I am insane. I am so anxious to be in a relationship that I can’t even see straight. It’s like having baby fever, only I have man fever. I have GOT to chill. I just had another guy online trigger my kookoo switch. Once again, I met someone who thinks I am cool and smart and funny and then he never calls me again. I blame it on my spare tire/extra poundage. But I’m short and stacked and that’s how I roll, and for someone that’s going to be the perfect fit. I want to get married but my process needs to look a little more sane. Help! ~K Dear Oh My God, Why Is(n’t) This Happening? First of all, everyone has a panic button for when something hasn’t happened by a certain time. Making partner, owning a business, making X salary, having a baby, owning a home, a nicer car, the dream trip abroad, getting married – fill in the blank, you get the idea. You are not alone in your moment of panic. However, in times of panic, you must remain calm! People sense fear and run from it – fast. So do animals. Fear and desperation is palpable and nature’s best repellant. It will not help you. I am reminded of Theodore Roosevelt’s quote, “Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.” Try to dial down the panic. You may not like where you are in your life at this moment, but take comfort in the fact that you are taking steps to change things. And as with most things one endeavors to achieve, (a relationship, a degree, a business, a new home, etc.) you will have to put in the time, effort and energy to make it happen. Finding someone to marry will take time, and you’ve got to pace yourself! It may take many dates and lots of precious energy to find the right man, so you need to be responsible for taking care of yourself. Be kind to yourself. As far as the specific ins and outs of online dating, I would suggest consulting people who specialize in that. But let me address what seems to be an underlying issue: How are you qualifying your dates? If you are insecure or self-conscious about your weight, be sure to post pictures that depict you accurately. Are you clear about who you are and the type of person you want to meet? Do you know your dealbreakers? Pre-qualify your potential matches as much as possible before you meet them. Where are you casting your line? Are you using sites that cater to people who are looking for serious relationships? Could you use other outlets or forums that would either serve up better matches or showcase your qualities more? And lastly, don’t let people you don’t even know determine your sense of self-worth. If it’s not a match, it’s not a match! There will always be people you like who won’t like you, or people who like you and you don’t like them… Shrug your shoulders and move on. You will eventually find the right person for you. Just keep the panic button out of it. Love, Vienna
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_Dear Vienna,
All I want for the holidays is like a six-month vacation from wracking my brains for what my ideal job and purpose on this planet are. Some people just work for a living and it’s not ideal and their vocations are what get them through. What is wrong with cosmetology? But seriously, I would like to just learn how to sell stuff on ebay and more seriously, I want to be a petite plus model. If I could get a few good shots and give them to my friend’s agent, maybe I could get catalog work or something...just for my outrageously good looks! I want money to be that easy. ~B Dear Why Can't It Be F*ing Easier? A lot of people drive themselves mental with the quest for their ideal job and life’s purpose. First of all, determining your life’s purpose can take a lifetime, and in the end is has nothing to do with your income. So let’s take that out of the immediate equation, which seems to be more about work. Let’s give you some breathing room to contemplate one of the greatest questions of the universe! Re: the Ideal Job: Let’s face it; the directive “Do what you love!” is an overwhelming one and can even be annoyingly demanding. Just because you love doing something doesn’t necessarily mean you’re going to make a living at it. And if you ARE doing something you love, that doesn’t always mean you’re going to be making mad money either. I propose approaching your dilemma this way: The idea is to do some sort of work that you enjoy. Or, put another way; be able to be happy doing what you’re doing. Not every day is going to be rainbows and sunshine; there will always be ups and downs. But if you’re doing something that you enjoy, it makes life a whole lot easier. Keep in mind that not everyone gets to live the life of a rock star. There are many times in life when you’ve just gotta do what you’ve gotta do in order to put a roof over your head and food on the table. The idea of loving what you’re doing becomes a luxury. But no matter where you are in your journey; it’s always something to strive towards. Most people either don’t realize or conveniently forget that for “money to be that easy,” as you put it, takes WORK. Good, old-fashioned hard work. It takes time, effort, dedication, focus, a plan and plenty of blood, sweat and tears. If it was that easy to just flag the money truck down and unload your millions, we’d all be ballin’, right?! If you really want something, guess what? You’re going to have to work for it. Nothing happens overnight. You say you want to sell items on eBay? Then create an account, learn the rules, upload your items and start selling. You want to be a petite plus-size model? Research who makes those lines, contact the agents that rep those models and find out what you need to do to be considered. Do you need to fly somewhere for an interview? Start saving. Need a portfolio? Find a photographer and get crackin’! The key is to DO something. This is where the work comes in, and believe me, it will take work, there’s no way around it. No one’s going to do it for you; you have to do it for yourself. Small steps lead to bigger steps; movement creates movement; and the more you do, the better you’ll feel! Remember: You and only you are responsible for creating the kind of life you enjoy. The more you fill your life with activities, pursuits, people and experiences you love, the richer your life becomes. Love, Vienna Go Revamp Your Life! P.s. There’s nothing wrong with cosmetology! It’s a great profession and many people have done very well for themselves in it. Why not start rockin’ it? |
Vienna Woods
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